How do I contact other users? The EliteSingles chat features explained

An intriguing bio and eye-catching photos are a great way to make your profile stand out to other EliteSingles users. However, to truly reap the full benefit from your EliteSingles experience, it's also important to talk to these interested parties, using our chat features to make the most out of your messaging.

Indeed, with 47% of our Irish users saying that quality messages are the single most important factor when securing a date,1 it's vital to get to grips with the ins and outs of the online hello. Luckily, our guided chat features make it easy to master messaging:

EliteSingles guided chat features: three ways to say hello

1. Sending a smile

Seen a promising profile amongst your matches but not sure how to make the first move? We make it easy with our Send a Smile feature. Designed to gently let someone know that you are interested, Send a Smile does just what it says on the tin - it tells the recipient that you have smiled at them, indicating that you'd like to know more about them.

You can access the Send a Smile feature from the profile of the person you are interested in. Simply click into their profile from your list of matches, then, if you wish to smile at them, click the green 'Send Smile' button. This will automatically send that person a smile. 

2. Using the Steps of Communication

When you want to know more about a match, but still aren't sure what to put in a message, our Steps of Communication feature can help. Designed to ease you into familiarity with a match, one step at a time, it's perfect for those new to online dating (and an efficient solution for those in a hurry or for those who never know what to say!).

  • Stage One: Asking 5 Questions. The Steps of Communication begins with the 5 Questions feature (accessed by clicking the green 'Get Acquainted...Send 5 Questions' button on a matches' profile). This tool allows you to select the 5 questions you are most interested in from a bank of 50. Your match then answers these, either by using our quick provided answers, or by filling in the text box with a custom answer of their own. In return, they will choose 5 questions for you to answer, which you can fill out in the same way. 
  • Stage Two: Likes and Dislikes. Once you have asked and answered your five questions, you will be taken to Stage Two of our Steps of Communication tool: Likes and Dislikes. This is a simple, convenient way to check the suitability of a match by comparing your top must-haves and no-gos from our list of relationship criteria. Again, once you've sent your Likes and Dislikes to a match they can send you theirs; allowing you to get a clear picture of their compatibility potential before your heart gets too invested!
  • Stage Three: Original Questions. Designed to ease you in to writing that first message, the Original Questions feature prompts you to send your match three questions of your choosing, and to receive three in return. Accessed once you have competed stages one and two, it's a great chance to explore some deeper facets of your match's personality.

3. Writing an original message

Once you've completed the three stages above, you will be directed to the Send a Message feature, where you can communicate and chat with your match as much as you wish.

Of course, if you're feeling confident you can also skip the Stages of Communication guided session completely and launch straight into sending that first message. To do so, simply click into a match's profile and click the green 'Send Message' button. The rest is up to you! 

Please note, to ensure the security of our customers, EliteSingles automatically logs you out of your account after 30 mins of inactivity. In order to preserve any messages that are a work in progress, it's important to save as you go by using the 'drafts' feature.

Frequently asked chat questions

What should my message say?
In brief, the ideal online dating message is concise, personal and yet not too invasive - you are looking for that perfect balance of wit and interest without coming across as too intense. For a full guide, please see our article about crafting the perfect first message.

Why didn't I get a reply?
Sometimes users won't reply to your attempts at chat. Try not to lose heart - it's very likely that this has nothing to do with you! Often, a user simply won't have seen your message yet: our members are mostly busy professionals and not all of them have time to check their profile daily. If it's been a few days, then it may be that their Premium Membership has not yet been approved (and thus they cannot view messages), or it may be that they have recently met someone wonderful on our site and are yet to cancel their account.  

What do the coloured circles mean?
The chances of a swift reply to your chat are far greater when you contact an active user of our site. You can easily check this on their profile by taking note of the coloured circles next to the names in your partner suggestions folder. A green circle means that they will have logged on to EliteSingles in the last 24 hours. A blue circle means that they have logged on in the last 28 days (and you can see precisely when by hovering your cursor over the dot). A grey circle means that they have not checked their account within the last 28 days - as can happen when, for instance, a user is on holiday.

Is there anything I shouldn't say during a chat session?
We are passionate about keeping our customers safe. That's why we have a Validation Team who manually approves all new profiles. However, it's always important to keep your wits about you when talking to a new person on the internet. Do not give out personal details such as your address to anyone you've only talked with online and, if a match asks you for bank account details or for money, help us keep you safe by stopping all contact and reporting them to our Customer Care team. For more advice, please see our Staying Safe guide

How long should I wait before asking to meet in person?
The aim of all this chatting is, of course, to find someone with whom you can go on an offline date - perhaps kick starting a relationship with real, long-term potential. However, for your own peace of mind and sense of comfort, it's usually wise to wait a while before suggesting that you meet in person. How long should you wait? As discussed in our online dating tips article, researchers at the University of Florida recently hypothesised that the ideal period between first message and first meeting is 17 -23 days.2

Want to increase your interactions on EliteSingles and move from looking at profiles to finding a date? First you must become a messaging master. Luckily it's easy to do with help from our guided communications features. Why not try them out today?

If you have any technical questions about our messaging or chat features, please see our help page or contact our Customer Care team. For advice on what to say in a message, you can contact our editorial team: