Who should ask for the second date? Our members reveal the truth!

couple getting a second date

An EliteSingles member survey set out to discover some of the rules of dating – and the answers may surprise some! When it comes to the question of the second date, it’s the women who believe they hold the reigns – but do they practice what they preach?

A survey of 561 EliteSingles members across Ireland, the UK, Australia and New Zealand showed that, when it comes to taking a date to the next step, it is women who believe they hold the power. Indeed, 71% of women surveyed said that they ‘’usually make the decision whether more will come from their meeting.’’ Just 46% of men believed that they held similar clout.

Women were also shown to be much more confident than men about the date itself. 82% of female respondents felt that they often made a good first impression on men. In comparison, only 70% of male respondents felt that their first impression on women would be a good one.

Yet, when it comes to putting money where their mouth is the women surveyed didn’t always stick to their guns. Indeed, despite holding the balance of power when it comes to confirming a second date, women still wanted to be asked rather than do the asking. In fact, just 2% would prefer to be the one who calls to arrange a second meeting, compared with 41% of men.

Confidence stems from single women’s dating power

EliteSingles’ psychologist, Dr Wiebke Neberich, thinks that these two things – female confidence and second date reticence – traditionally go hand-in-hand. She says: “men usually make the first move when dating, which gives women the power to decide if something goes further.’’ Power leads to confidence, which might explain why the women are reluctant to give it away!

READ MORE: Keep conversation flowing with our top ten date questions! See here!

Indeed, Dr Neberich also believes that, as men often approach more prospective partners than women, they stand a bigger chance of being rejected – which perhaps has an effect on their confidence. What’s more, ’’women can be picky when choosing a partner, for a number of biological and sociological reasons, so they often have the upper hand at this stage in a relationship. This could be a key explanation for the greater self-confidence we see among women in the study”.

If you have any questions, please feel free to leave us a comment below or email [email protected]

EliteSingles editorial, May 2014.


All statistics based on and EliteSingles members’ survey of 561 participants from Ireland, the UK, New Zealand and Australia. Average age: 48. 78% female. Some figures may not equal 100% due to rounding.

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